Friendship is always tested. In fact any relationship whether it is love, work based or social, a time comes when you question the very fabric of its being. And so it happened to me the other day. My dearest friend... lets call her Miss R and I were chilling. And I, being the ever so bold person upon looking in the mirror decided I needed my eyebrows reshaped. Looking at my friends perfectly groomed brows I assumed that she would be best to shape mine.
So I asked.
And so she said yes.
So I sat down confidently in the chair.
And so she begins.
Eyebrow one, finished in no time and looks good, so she moves over to eyebrow two (lest I mention she was using an electric eyebrow razor shaper). As she finishes I notice a perplexing look on her face as she hands me the mirror, which I mistaken for a look of confidence at the completed job....
That is until I looked in the mirror, and noticed that a chunk of hair had accidently been shaven off. We looked at one another and I laughed (for fear of crying) as we frantically and humorously searched for solutions. Now for those who are unaware eyebrows are an extremely important facial feature that helps significantly in defining ones face. Therefore, any unfortunate mishaps can have a serious impact on the face. It is true to say it could have been worse... but that only gives me a little bit of comfort.
So you know you love your friend when your eyebrow gets shaven off and you end up loving her even more.
For me this year has been nothing short of crazy. In fact bipolar is a better description to characterise my last year in the first decade of the millennia. Why?
Ok so here are some of the highs:
In the beginning of the year I was in Washington DC to witness Barack Obama’s inauguration
After a year of being confused about life I finally began to move forward in a direction I was happyand content with.
I’ve met so many amazing and influential people in my field of study whom are supportive and act like mentors towards me. Their advice has become invaluable.
In May I went to Ghana (My place of origin) where I hadn’t visited for 13 years. It was a life changing and beautiful experience.
I was offered a place on the Masters course that I desired at a top London university and subsequently accepted, and am enjoying every moment of it.
I was able to get rid of the last aspects of negative people (person) in my life whom was just clogging up positive energy. And i feel much better because of it!
After getting that thorn out of my ass I have physically seen a shift in the amount of positive people I have around me and how much more positive I feel. Best friendship detox decision I ever made (only sad I didn’t do it much sooner).
Lows
I’m not one to harp on about self pity etc etc. In fact it is something I loathe. But we are all human and all go through various stages in our lives. So I started of this year depressed, in self pity and unsure about life in general L blah blah blah (I’m out of the state now).
My mother was diagnosed with cancer in the summer. Devastating at first, but the Drs caught it in time and she is full of health. To see her six months on you would never know (a negative that turned into a positive).
My auntie (a very close friend of my mum’s) passed away unexpectedly on Boxing Day. What was startling was that two weeks prior my mother and she were at a party where she was full of health. A week later she just collapsed... the Drs Still cannot explain it.
So this year for me has been happy on one extreme and sad on the other extreme. But the overpowering message that I learnt that life should not be taken for granted. I do not know what the next year will bring, or the next decade for that fact... but what I do know for certain is their will be many more rollercoaster experiences and many more unexpected moments. But when it is all said and done, when we have to confront our reflection... what will we say? That I lived in the shadow of my problems, or with each problem, with each knockback I arose like the sun?
As a new era dawns, and the start of a new year draws closer I wonder what goals I should set, what targets I should meet and how best I can go about doing this. Isn’t that what New Year’s resolutions are about, the setting of attainable goals that can be achieved within the coming year? For me the coming year’s resolutions are presenting somewhat of an oxymoron. On the one hand I want to set goals so that by the end of the coming year I can measure my progression. But then on the other hand when I look at the things that I actually want to improve or set in motion I am confronted with a startling truth that the goals I really desire starts within. For example, I have a great group of amazing friends that bring me nothing but positive energy and fun vibes. And one of my new year’s resolutions is to keep surrounding myself with positivity and positive people (after so many years of doing the opposite). Or living each day with an open heart and a happy soul, so that each evening before I lay myself to sleep I can be content with the knowledge that I lived each day... not taking for granted this precious limited time that we have here on earth. For me these are the resolutions I want to abide by. But the question I ponder on is how do we measure happiness or positivity?A New Year dawns, and a fresh chapter in an aging book is staring back at me. Like the reflection in a mirror I recognise the appearance but it is blurred, distorted, I can’t make out what’s on the other side. So I sit here, typing, and wondering, what this New Year will bring. Is it really worth setting New Year’s resolutions upon which results are evaluated at the end of the year or do I sit back and take every day as it comes, aiming to make each coming day better than my last – confident in the knowledge that tomorrow isn’t promised to no one, the only thing that is certain is today.
I was reading this really cool blog post about wifey and the so called prototype of wifey and it got me wondering. From as far back as I can remember I always remember guys talking about which type of girls is wifey material and which are not. Or if a guy is in a relationship with a girl then she's deemed as wifey in comparison with the other girls that he may have slept with or been dating for a while. So for me, growing up wifey always seemed like an aspiring badge of honour, a special card to be waved to assert your claim that "hey you know what I'm wifey material' with a big smile on your face (OK not as extreme but you get my jist). But then I got thinking... and I did not like where my thoughts were taking me. In fact I felt like i'd been hit by lightening, the epiphany was that strong. Basically I started to feel that we girls are really being played. I mean he can call you wifey, scream from the rooftops that you are the love of his life, I mean he can stamp his feet and clap for days shaking his head and saying 'baby your my number one, your my wifey'. But what does all that mean if he doesn't marry you? If you’re not married or getting married or he's not thinking about you guys getting married then what is up with the wifey terminology?
Wifey is just some boyfriend card to make a women feel like she's up one level from the girlfriend mark. She's better than the rest. You no, similar to telling a three year old that he is a big boy when he is in fact a toddler, but it makes him smile nethertheless and keeps the peace. So she that is how I liken the wifey term. That if she plays her cards extra special then he may just pop that question. Why? Because you’re not just a girlfriend, NO, you’re wifey dammit! But if you’re really up one level then there should be a ring to signify that, otherwise girlfriend is exactly what you are, what we all are. I just think these guys have been gassing up our heads with sweet words for too long that in reality have no meaning because wifey is just the same as everybody else... (I mean girlfriends - not concubines or one night stands or flings). And wifey will be there bending over back words to be a replica of his ideal wife, doing everything a ‘real’ wife would do. That’s not to say a girlfriend shouldn’t take care of her man and vice versa... but we all know that the role of a wife is more than that of a girlfriend, well in my view it should be. So women go breaking their back to play husband and wife... because he told her she was wifey *big smile*! And imagine if the guy breaks up with the wifey, can she really turn around and say
Wifey: No you can’t do this... I’m your wifey
Guy: silence
Wifey: that’s what you told me... I was supposed to graduate and become your wife
Guy: silence
Wifey: I already am your wife, i'm not just your girlfriend.... I've been bending over backwords for you for how long.... you can't just leave me, you can't do this to me... where's my wedding????
Guy: errrr I'll see you around
(pretty pathetic right)! What a sad state of affairs.
*Note to self (an anybody else who will listen): you only become 'wifey' when you get married... until then you are GIRLFRIEND! Do not get gassed up!!!
Having an older brother I can personally vouch that at times growing up things have gotten a little crazy. Like the time when my brother found my diary (cringe) or when I used to tell on him to my parents (yes I could be an annoying little sister at times). But by far this has to be the deepest, craziest, funniest (in a I'm so happy that it's not me - but how dumb do you have to be to write that down if thats what's on your mind) kinda way... Please read the below facebook excert very carefully!
So I came across this video on Youtube. Four Black women whom are successful, intelligent, attractive and most notably single. When I watched the video on Youtube I must say I did not see anything wrong with them or what they were looking for in a relationship.
Then I read some of the comments left by other viewers and began to be alarmed. What struck me the most was the comments left by some men such as;
"Black women are CHOOSING to take their stand AGAINST the Black Man along with the rest of White America.... We don't need to defend a woman who has made HERSELF our enemy, and who REJECTS the BLACK MAN as the MAN OF HIS HOUSE".
"Their standards are too high".
"Sounds like these fine ladies are not really looking for a husband, they're just looking for some handsome and successful prince that they can show to their friends, kinda like new shoes or a handbag. It's no wonder they can't find one. First of all, not many men exist who meet their standards and secondly, such a man would not be content being a "trophy husband".
"They want a f**king man who will help them move up the social ladder. And who won't question her for being superficial and shallow. Stupid b**ches".
Now I don't know where all this hostility and anger from these fellow YouTube users are coming from, but something is not right. When did it become wrong for successful women to look for someone at a similar level of their career with similar ideals? I never knew this was a crime. I mean do we not enter relationships with people who we feel have similar ideals and aspirations? Do we not enter relations with people who we feel will understand us which subsequently paves the way for a more long lasting and solid relationship. And do these ideals not come from a shared sense of a host of several factors. By no means am I saying that if you are a woman with a certain pay check then you can only go out with men who have the same pay check. Or if you drive a BMW then your man should also if not better. What I am saying though or even asking is, are relationships not based on shared ideologies? And if that is the case why are some people so angry or start blaming women (as demonstrated above) for seeking these ideals out. Is it wrong for a princess to seek her prince charming? Or as some may argue are Black women to demanding and unrealistic?
I can trace back my addiction to at least the age of fourteen. Maybe before, but yes fourteen definitely hailed the beginning of my addiction to the creamy crack. Jheeze when I think about it now Amy Winehouse really doesn't have anything on me (although we do get high of a different kinda stuff). I mean my longest hiatus from the creamy crack within the past ten years cannot be longer than four months. And at certain times of my life it hasn't even reached one. And the sad truth is that I am not alone.
Millions of Black Women, Nubian Queens, around the world are addicted to their hair relaxer. It can burn our scalp, break our hair, and bring on alopecia but we still hold on to that creamy crack like a baby crying out for milk from their mother’s bosom. It’s like after the first hit, we get so high that whatever the weather we are as loyal to our drug like a crack fiend. As I sit here writing this post I'm trying to work out when I can fit my next hair appointment in so I can get my retouch. The thought of letting my hair be is as scary as a crack fiend contemplating rehab. Not because I don't love my natural hair, quite the contrary.
My problem is I've been addicted to this stuff for so long I'm afraid of the unknown. I have a perception in my mind that if I leave my hair to just be somehow I won't be able to manage it, or I won't have versatility of styles, or it will take me too long to get ready in the morning, or when it rains I will not be able to leave my house for the next three days trying rescue it from the weather (I live in London and it rains all the time), or etc etc etc and so the excuses continue. So if my myths are unfounded, or you have some ideas how to wean a Nubian Queen off, or you’re just going through the same thing... please feel free to leave a comment.
Hey, I would just like to welcome you to my blog. I don't know exactly what path it will take or how it will develop but I hope to give you my reflections of the world. I think the cover picture sums this blog up aptly, this blog is about the reflections of a Nubian Queen :-). Hope you enjoy. xx
